Romance and Courtship: A Brief History

"The Suitor" (Harold Copping)

Many love themes run throughout my historical family saga series, The McBride Chronicles, set mainly in British Columbia, Canada, and taking place from the 1830s to present day.

While researching romance during those years, I discovered, for instance, that in the Victorian Era (1837–1901), there was a great deal of formal courting. In the upper classes, it was almost an art form.

A gentleman interested in a certain lady could not simply start up a conversation with her at a social event without a formal introduction. And it would be some time before it was considered appropriate to speak to her or for them to be seen together.

After they had been formally introduced at an event, the gentleman would present his card to her if he was interested and wished to escort the lady home. At the end of the evening, the lady looked over the cards she had received and then chose who would be her escort. She would then notify the lucky man by giving him her card in return.

Actual courting only took place in the young lady’s home and always with a chaperone close by, usually her parents. Eventually the courting might progress to the front porch. Any marriage proposal would usually be handwritten, after the gentlemen had first approached the lady’s father.

Fun Historical Tidbits
Here are some more facts I discovered about romance and courtship throughout history:

1. In ancient times, where there was a scarcity of women, men often raided other villages and captured women for themselves.
2. An old French custom declared that as the moon went through its phases, a couple would drink metheglin, a brew made from honey—hence the term “honeymoon” today. (Contrary to what we'd like to think, "honeymoon" wasn't derived from a term of endearment.)
3. Most marriages were arranged between families for the purpose of business relationships, for property, or for a political alliance. Love was seldom a factor.
4. Many of today’s courting rituals, such as opening doors and buying dinner for a woman, are derived from medieval times (the period between the 5th and 15th centuries, also known as the Middle Ages).
5. Suitors often wooed a lady by serenading her or reading poetry.
6. Chastity was always highly regarded.
7. Some cultures throughout the world believed the idea of matrimony constituted “the ties that bind,” and in some African cultures, long grasses were braided together to tie the hands of the bride and groom in a marriage ceremony to symbolize their eternal union.

 
Love in the 19th Century
But, as I also discovered, not all courting couples adhered to the traditions of their time in history. I decided to portray some such characters in The McBride Chronicles, so I created relationships and love between different classes, women who risked their reputation for love, and love affairs during times of war, when men and women lived only for the moment.

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Queen Victoria and Prince Albert's wedding, 1840.

​In the 19th century, even the love affair between Queen Victoria and Prince Albert was far from ordinary or conventional. She had to propose to him because of their stations in life.

There was a great love between them, despite their frequent quarrels during the marriage. When Albert died at a young age, Victoria went into deep sorrow and mourned him for the remainder of her life.

​My own grandparents, Ernest Coulson and Annie Letitia Barber (their wedding in 1898 seen below), had a traditional courtship and were apparently a very loving couple who raised six children.

But judging from their wedding picture, the celebration looked to be rather a sombre affair! 

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Wedding of Ernest Coulson and Annie Letitia Barber, Dec 26, 1898.

Courtship Today
​I must admit I regret how love and courtship has changed over the years—even since the 1960s and 1970s when I was young.

Relationships between partners today are more informal. Many choose to live together and have children without the benefit of traditional marriage.

But who am I to judge? Everyone should do what works for them—as long as love is present. Love is really all that matters.

Please leave a comment below and let me know your views about love and romance in the 21st century as opposed to days gone by. I would love to hear from you.

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